Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Madman's Madwoman!

She was a writer.....loved writing romantic plays...

She was beyond marvelous...naturally,she saw him in every story!!....may be this was the way she kept in touch...!!

Each story revolved around him..the characters were influenced by him..one could hear him talk in his own voice when the play was staged! It was as if her pen rolled and words came out of his mouth...his breath..his dances..his jokes..his drunken songs were present everywhere.

When she searched for herself in the memories...she could only find him, even within him!

today she was writing a Madman's Story..Her pen feels numb.

how? why? what?

She buried her face in the pillow and streams rained out. It was after a long time, she cried.
She looked at the sky...and wondered why isnt she able to see that many stars up there!
...It then struck her!...it was the madman, he used to collect pebbles from the street and today he thought of the stars as pebbles..picked them up, one by one..making the sky feel empty and void!!

Was she finally getting over him?.. did the madman pick the star in which he resided from her sky...and threw it in the ocean just to see how far does the ripple go? Was she letting him go away from her memories and thoughts!?!
The pain of living without his memories was far more than him leaving..but way more intangible... But she was reading the signs.. She was ready to move on.. she was still breathing his thoughts but now her mind was no more feeding on his painful screams.

The Madman play got staged...Successfully! There was a bright and mysterious man smiling at her from the corner of the crowded room...she smiled back, and right then she realized that it had been 5 years that day!.. that very moment he took rebirth in her writings.
She was excited to write the next script :)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

CANDY Tale :)

I was drenched in the shower of confetti
and the purple waves of (In)sanity.
As you poured it on my Marshmallows
I saw it turning into yellow... :)
My dreamy eyes looked like jujubes coil
just when I realised that 'Love is above all pride'.
Now that I was sure that it would snow Hershey Kisses,
Even better happened.....the rain was gum and gooey!

Yes... Yes... I believe in Fairy tails...I confessed, as I saw the chocolate rock melting
You looked at me both confused and bewildered...
making place for some sought of void unheard.

I look back at your cloudy face..
Smile to me-is all I say.

Two steps further you too felt the Rain -gum and gooey...
and then you smiled..not to me...but to my Fairy tales!!!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Pain in Vain!

Came back home after a real messy day...the heat...and the heated arguments...the punctured tyre...Ayushi’s socio exam...Delhi traffic...all this and a lot more led to a severe headache. When I went to mum...She cuddled me. It wasn’t really helping though. What I needed was a Paracetamol and as I thought, the bitter worked well.

As I slipped into my bed I started doubting everything that I have ever known and experienced. I was so uneasy with the pain that it started bothering me beyond a point. But why was it so...shouldn’t we be so used to it?
From the very moment that the child enters the world, Pain begins, so much so that the process of giving birth itself is so painful. But what’s ironical is that all we are all looking for happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, comfort, ecstasy, peace and just forget the big P.

And as we all have heard about pleasure in pain philosophy, the whole erotic and dark side of pleasure. Very interestingly, the so called super negative experiences like that of Epilepsy too are accompanied with pleasure for some people. Like the Russian author Dostoyevsky famously said of his epilepsy 'I would experience such joy as would be inconceivable in ordinary life - such joy that no one else could have any notion of. I would feel the most complete harmony in myself and in the whole world and this feeling was so strong and sweet that for a few seconds of such bliss I would give ten or more years of my life, even my whole life perhaps.'

So is it that we are rationalising the Pain bit by looking at it positively and seeking pleasure out of it? Or there is actually something like pleasure in pain. This also tells me that then pleasure is the ultimate goal in its sense. So much so that it becomes hedonism.
So is it ok to be hedonistic? We fetching happiness from every nook and corner, be it mother nature or manmade stuff, all we are aiming at is happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, comfort and blah blah. We are trying every prospect to run away from every sort of physical and psychological pain that comes our way. An argument could be put forth saying that some people do embrace Pain.-- Let’s go deeper! Are they actually embracing or submitting to the big P because they simply want to experience pain? Or there is something bigger to this psyche?

While this thought was anyway bothering me, strangely I read this medical journal talking about the Abolitionist project. The project aims at abolishing pain from the face of earth!!...like WHAT??....Is that freaking possible? They call it the Hedonistic Imperative.

And now my headache is back... maybe I need sleep...Or wait till wait till this Hedonistic Imperative falls into place.

Friday, March 13, 2009


One of those last winter evenings..
her version against his
They fought!
racing thoughts
pacing words
sharp tongue
heavy breath..
in hope of a soothing touch...Sudden silence caught the air...

felt yellow
she cried
damp pillow
angry eyes

The annoying silence still prolonged..
Alan Parson was playing in the background.
"Two of a kind...Silence and i....We'll find a way to work it out"

What was she thinking..
A new dress
Chole bhature!
Still crying
SLR camera
Her Birthday..he's around!
Why didnt he say that he loved her??

He spoke..(inspired he was, i guess)
He suggested a week off ( WTF.!!..where did this come from)
and told her that she bit off more than she could chew!!

Was he the same guy she knew?
She played the song louder this time...this time to herself
"two of a kind...Silence and I..We need a chance to talk things over".

They made up
The issue was still unresolved.

They talked....but he had suggested a week off!!
He showed up the next day..
The room was filled with the white glow.
So complete..
filled her heart and her eyes too.

Its still a secret..what they made up on?
but one thing which wasnt a secret at all : He loved her :)

Friday, February 6, 2009


"Whats your name sir ji?"
"Satpal Singh."
"Do you drink Satpal Singh ji?"
"like a Phish..!

Sunday, January 11, 2009


gar baazii ishq kii baazii hai...jo chaaho lagaa do Dar kaisaa
gar jeet gaye to kyaa kehanaa...haari bhii to baazii maat nahin.
~~ Faiz Ahmed Faiz

Saturday, January 10, 2009


I got a call.
It is interesting how I can wake up to calls and not alarms... A bright Good morning wish enters my left ear.
He asked, "Are you going for work today"
"NAYYII", I said ...feeling dried kohl in my eyes and a lot of mixed up dreams floating in them...
"What Naiii...its NAHI...”
“Huuummmmm... (Me stretching!).. I know...I am working from home...and mum dad have to go to CULORE BAAG...”
“Ufff!... Say it again.”
“Girl, its KAROL BAGH!”He was completely cracking up... “Anyway.You go back to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the day.Bye!”
And I went back to sleep.

Winter afternoon...and the lovely sun!
I just love the sound of pencil-on-the paper... (I mentioned I was working from home)
It’s like music to me...I wonder if any DJ has ever thought of mixing this sound to the music.
It’s amazing how every letter has a different sound...and every word...and then every sentence.

As I got so busy in understanding the collaborated movement of my purple pencil and my hand on the paper, I noticed these beautiful Curves hanging in the air...broken Letters...random Lines.
Then...I just forgot what was I writing...or reading...or singing...or @#!^&@...what was it???

But there was so much on the paper...!!

‘Door Bell’
Mum Papa got back from Culore Baag.