Pain in Vain!

Came back home after a real messy day...the heat...and the heated arguments...the punctured tyre...Ayushi’s socio exam...Delhi traffic...all this and a lot more led to a severe headache. When I went to mum...She cuddled me. It wasn’t really helping though. What I needed was a Paracetamol and as I thought, the bitter worked well.

As I slipped into my bed I started doubting everything that I have ever known and experienced. I was so uneasy with the pain that it started bothering me beyond a point. But why was it so...shouldn’t we be so used to it?
From the very moment that the child enters the world, Pain begins, so much so that the process of giving birth itself is so painful. But what’s ironical is that all we are all looking for happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, comfort, ecstasy, peace and just forget the big P.

And as we all have heard about pleasure in pain philosophy, the whole erotic and dark side of pleasure. Very interestingly, the so called super negative experiences like that of Epilepsy too are accompanied with pleasure for some people. Like the Russian author Dostoyevsky famously said of his epilepsy 'I would experience such joy as would be inconceivable in ordinary life - such joy that no one else could have any notion of. I would feel the most complete harmony in myself and in the whole world and this feeling was so strong and sweet that for a few seconds of such bliss I would give ten or more years of my life, even my whole life perhaps.'

So is it that we are rationalising the Pain bit by looking at it positively and seeking pleasure out of it? Or there is actually something like pleasure in pain. This also tells me that then pleasure is the ultimate goal in its sense. So much so that it becomes hedonism.
So is it ok to be hedonistic? We fetching happiness from every nook and corner, be it mother nature or manmade stuff, all we are aiming at is happiness, pleasure, satisfaction, comfort and blah blah. We are trying every prospect to run away from every sort of physical and psychological pain that comes our way. An argument could be put forth saying that some people do embrace Pain.-- Let’s go deeper! Are they actually embracing or submitting to the big P because they simply want to experience pain? Or there is something bigger to this psyche?

While this thought was anyway bothering me, strangely I read this medical journal talking about the Abolitionist project. The project aims at abolishing pain from the face of earth!!...like WHAT??....Is that freaking possible? They call it the Hedonistic Imperative.

And now my headache is back... maybe I need sleep...Or wait till wait till this Hedonistic Imperative falls into place.
:)

TWO OF A KIND

One of those last winter evenings..
her version against his
They fought!
racing thoughts
pacing words
sharp tongue
heavy breath..
in hope of a soothing touch...Sudden silence caught the air...

felt yellow
she cried
damp pillow
angry eyes

The annoying silence still prolonged..
Alan Parson was playing in the background.
"Two of a kind...Silence and i....We'll find a way to work it out"

What was she thinking..
PMS?...
A new dress
Chole bhature!
Still crying
Pictures
SLR camera
Her Birthday..he's around!
Sobbing
Why didnt he say that he loved her??

He spoke..(inspired he was, i guess)
He suggested a week off ( WTF.!!..where did this come from)
and told her that she bit off more than she could chew!!

Was he the same guy she knew?
She played the song louder this time...this time to herself
"two of a kind...Silence and I..We need a chance to talk things over".

They made up
Unconditionally..??
The issue was still unresolved.

They talked....but he had suggested a week off!!
He showed up the next day..
The room was filled with the white glow.
So complete..
filled her heart and her eyes too.

Its still a secret..what they made up on?

but one thing which wasnt a secret at all : He loved her :)

DEV-D

"Whats your name sir ji?"
"Satpal Singh."
"Do you drink Satpal Singh ji?"
"like a Phish..!

BET!

~~
gar baazii ishq kii baazii hai...jo chaaho lagaa do Dar kaisaa
gar jeet gaye to kyaa kehanaa...haari bhii to baazii maat nahin.
~~ Faiz Ahmed Faiz

...

I got a call.
It is interesting how I can wake up to calls and not alarms... A bright Good morning wish enters my left ear.
He asked, "Are you going for work today"
"NAYYII", I said ...feeling dried kohl in my eyes and a lot of mixed up dreams floating in them...
"What Naiii...its NAHI...”
“Huuummmmm... (Me stretching!).. I know...I am working from home...and mum dad have to go to CULORE BAAG...”
“Ufff!... Say it again.”
“Hummm”
“Girl, its KAROL BAGH!”He was completely cracking up... “Anyway.You go back to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the day.Bye!”
And I went back to sleep.

Winter afternoon...and the lovely sun!
I just love the sound of pencil-on-the paper... (I mentioned I was working from home)
It’s like music to me...I wonder if any DJ has ever thought of mixing this sound to the music.
It’s amazing how every letter has a different sound...and every word...and then every sentence.

As I got so busy in understanding the collaborated movement of my purple pencil and my hand on the paper, I noticed these beautiful Curves hanging in the air...broken Letters...random Lines.
Then...I just forgot what was I writing...or reading...or singing...or @#!^&@...what was it???

But there was so much on the paper...!!

‘Door Bell’
Mum Papa got back from Culore Baag.

WHAT'S INSIDE??

It occurred to me that in the process of living life, if we have ingested our life- then we have lots inside...

Amitesh once asked me- "what's at the bottom of your heart?" The answer I gave him without much thought was..." lot of love"...clichéd it is!! Haina..?

Coming back to what is inside us?.

...So in this way there is a lot inside, that will not pass away or be lost. Love, people, places too and certain memories, certain moments. It becomes a kind of wealth and we realize that this is eternal...

The eternal is available when we step outside time and space- All that binds us to one another and to the world.

So that means what connects two people or more is actually what is inside them...regardless of time and space…

Did everyone else know this already??…and only I figured this out now!

I AM FROM --- :)

The morning skies and the night’s sleep...somewhere it was beautiful to dream big... I am glad it still is.
I am from the house at Shakti Vihar and the sunny afternoons I spent there with Aashi, Ankush, Ricku, Heena, Chintu and other infinites. :)
I am from Badi mummy’s Chidiya ki kahani (a bird’s story) and from playing on Papa’s Tummy.
I am from the fights at home with Chacha-Chachi (uncle- aunt)
I am from the Karvachauth’s night; I saw mum and dad crying.
I am from Didi who lived through and conformed in those difficult times.
I am from spilling and hiding my glass of milk here and there.
I am from from APJ and the pranks I played there.
I am from compulsively lying about my marks and obsessively participating in school tasks ;)

I am from a new house at Anand Vihar, built day after day, brick by brick with hopes and wishes to make things better.
I am from asking questions which I was told will be answered later!
I am from being different from the rest and from Famous Five to Secret seven club’s nest.
I am from complaints of being extremely talkative at school and from Anjali who still acts like a fool.
I am from Sona whom I taught to read and write and for whom a cried the day she died.
I am from Mohit who held my hand all through and mended all my mistakes.
I am from fights between Mohit and Ginny- but they taught me to Love...So ya! Retakes after retakes.
I am from Radha, who always wanted me to learn...and from Kanika didi from whom I always wanted to learn and earn.
I am from Amitesh –who is silly but still my life...my silent mentor...my anchor.
I am from mistakes like Vineet to mistaken friends like Ankit Sh.

I am from Humanities at Bal Bharati which taught me to rebel and fight for justice.
I am from good teachers like Mishra sir, Mandy, Vidya and Jacob to bad ones like Loveleen.
I am from few angels like Swati, Kritika, Chirag and Kushal who pulled me out of depression.
I am from Jausat who gave my life passion.
I am from staring at the MOON and getting wet in RAIN! and from Freud, Erikson, Piaget and James.
I am from Psychology running in my veins and Beyond Borders that kept liberating my heart and brain.
I am from Mridu and Ankit, who were more than mentors and from Sachi who showed me what is it to be a wanderer.
I am from Eesha who redefined love for me.
I am from Didi & Abhishek Bhaiya who everyday explained friendship to me.

I am from Surabhika mam who pushed me to go an extra mile and who made my passion come alive.
I am from Chandan’s CANE, love and practicality! and from a magician named ALI ‘Shady’.
I am from Aashi who i'll love till the end and with whom I grew up to be what I am...
I am from Tushu’s enigma who made me feel sisterhood and from Bhago’s purity which reminds me of childhood.
I am from Dhara who has been my pillar of confidence and from Ritu's energy & confidence.

I am from Sakshi who has been an angel in disguise and from Sana's smile radiating poise!
I am from my endless dreams and love for photography.
I am from my wish to see people flourish in democracy.
I am from Nani ma’s stories from Pakistan and from my will to take her there...
I am from Prateek who made everything beautiful and I saw magic everywhere.
I am from Swati, Ayurdhi, Remya, Nandy and our journey towards the Power.
I am from Beenu and Mehek how told me what is it to be a lover.

I am from Sushant who always loved me unconditionally and Sex Ed. Workshops which paid me marginally.

I am from Deane, the papa bear and Sahil who is full of bad jokes i fear :D
I am from Rana, who I trust & who would love me till life ends and beyond...
I am from Shubham who helped me realise what I want.
I am from a friend like Arpit who is forever my dear..and Saniya who doesnt necessarily has to be near.

I am from new friends found in Ankur , Rohan and Ruchika...and from the infinite souls who have touched my life in innumerable ways...or are yet to do so!!
I am from MIMI without who I would die and from PaPa who is the sparkle in my eye! :)
I am from my fears fighting with soothing words, spoken so ever softly...
There are voices in my head...
Yeah...there is a story untold and a life unknown...
Was it mine or yours!!??!!